O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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