he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
