life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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