you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
