Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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