the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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