shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
