I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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