Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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