weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
