I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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