what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
