i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
