You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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