I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
