and you said cock pushups were impossible
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
