have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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