i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
