It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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