My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
