just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I touched a dick in church today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize