when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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