Kareoke will never be a sober sport
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
