What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Houston, we have a squirter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
