Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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