Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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