i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
