Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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