the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
