pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize