id be glad to
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
