just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
