pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
