I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
