I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
