Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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