I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
