bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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