I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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