you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
