Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
