I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
