meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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