She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
