We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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