i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize