If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
