ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
