I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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