so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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