How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
