He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
