I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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