I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
