I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
