Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
