Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
