He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
