Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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