thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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