my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
