I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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