Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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