We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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