I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize