we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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