I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize