did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
