Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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