I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
