I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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