I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize