ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
