I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
