he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
