no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
