I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize